We Got That Boom Boom Pow

Who said mature women, who are widows, couldn't have fun?  I beg to differ.  "We got that boom boom pow.  Them chickens jackin our style." 

Ya don't underestimate us mature women.  We'll boom boom pow you off the floor if we want.  "We so 3008 and you so 2000 and late."  We have how many years experience on ya? 

Needless to say, I've been laid up on the couch and can't move.  Its been about three days.  Moving slow now and at least could bend over to pick up the laundry to wash it!   But we won't mention that will we!  My Chiropractor thinks I'm a nut case.  He mentioned something about he's never seen so many vertebra out of line.  Asked me if it was worth it.  I replied, "Ya doc I got that Boom Boom [crack] OW."

What Can You Say To a Widow To Make Her Feel Better?

Daily conversations, what an ingenious concept.  As if widows cannot do this?  Well, surprise, most of us can.  Some of us will get a bit teary eyed, but so what?  This is normal.  Certain thoughts, events, scents, and so much else will trigger a memory.  It doesn't mean we are so fragile that we're going to break into a million pieces.

What hurts worse is when we are left out of casual conversations.  The type of conversations that include laughter, jokes, what is happening in the world around us, and even though you are married and we are not, many of us do care and understand relationships are important!  We were married remember?  Just because the one we loved is not physically with us, does not mean we are not happy for your accomplishments.

What Would I Do Different...

Have you ever asked yourself, if you had the chance to say or do something different would you?  Questions regarding the relationship you had, your missing link.  The vitality of your life, your one and only?

I find myself engrossed by the idea "stages of grieving."  Several individuals I am around lately are taking this to extremes.  Its as if all have an answer for me.  Why wouldn't they know, after all I'm sure they watched it on some sitcom, Oprah or read a book?

So the question pops up, if you had to do it over what would you do different?  Do you have any regrets?  After-all questioning or showing regrets to what you did, this is a part of grieving which promotes healing.

Now, exactly how am I supposed to respond to this?

Stability in Instability

Just when you feel alone and no one is around, one of our children, I don't care the age, needs you.  I have three lovely children all grown.  Well, alright my son, who is a momma's boy, he's getting there at any rate.  It seems we all have to have a wild child.  If not, God Bless You because you are the first I've known with a perfect life and perfect children!

Odd thing is when ALL three of your children, living all in different States, suddenly give you a call.  One right after another.  Seems trauma hits all at once in this family.  I found my role in life, even without my husband, has not changed.  So something in life is stable.  Maybe this sounds strange, but for the first time I see stability in my incredibly unstable life.  Its always been there, I just never noticed.  Was I too busy being preoccupied with what I no longer have?

The Gypsy Calls

Living in my home is odd.  The community I've lived in for 24 years feels odd.  Even after being here for so long and it is my home.  This oddness that I am feeling leads me to believe, I am not accomplishing anything, and probably will not.  At least with my husband, I did not feel so detached or "a failure" in creating a successful life and independence.

I have the sudden pull to be what I once was.  Why not?  That which was important to me is now gone.  BDH (Before death of Husband), I was quite the wanderer and loved the experiences.  I didn't mind picking up roots.  It wasn't as if my roots were attached.  I would go from place to place and gosh, I learned so much.  It was wonderful meeting new people, new experiences, and nature's wonders.  I enjoyed life.