No Way, Not Again...

You have got to be kidding me.  How many times will I be on a path and then one day I wake up and think, who is this person in this body?    

Out of all the emotions we go through, I think this is the most frustrating, funny and weird feeling to feel. It's almost as if this particular "feeling" goes through its own grieving process.

Feelin' Froggie?

Life has really got a way of just letting us feel as if we are doing good, then dealing us a bad poker hand.  My husband albeit small, was incredibly tough.  He's short and believe me, while young and a tough fisherman he'd pick out the largest man in the bar and go at it, and win.  Win what I never understood.  What was the point?  It's a testosterone thing I guess.  I love him deeply, but I would have to admit, he most certainly had a Napoleon Complex.  In some strange way, it was sexy and funny to me.

Anyway, his saying for everything, including when life would stare him in the face was, "You feelin froggie?  Then come on and leap." Then he'd hold both fists up in the air. 

Well, now I know what that saying really means.  I feel like life is saying, "You feelin Froggie" and I'm responding "You betcha" and leap toward life.  Off I go, finding myself going over the edge of a cliff being scraped up by the thorn bushes I grasp to stop my fall. Until I hit the cold water at the bottom, the fall itself is a complexly painful unstoppable drop.  I gasp a breath of air and think, "Holy Moly, what a ride, glad it wasn't cement down here."

Wanna see Tude Dude?

I've always considered myself incredibly docile, patient and accepting.  Even if I do not agree, it matters not; a person has the right to their beliefs.
However, I found I can actually be set off within three minutes of a conversation.  What would push me to anger within three minutes?  The statement, "You are out hunting for a husband aren't you.  All widows are looking for a man because they can't live on their own."

Suddenly my smile grows evil and my piercing blue eyes begin to throw daggers.  A response that once started cannot be stopped.  The mouth opens and retorts, "Really?   Exactly what part of grocery shopping and a smile saying hello constitutes a desperate widow looking for a man?  Was it the way I fondled the avocados?  Perhaps you should keep shopping and move on."

Instead of leaving it be, no a response just had to be given, "Oh, I see you have an attitude.  Men don't appreciate attitudes; they'll stay away from you"

You have yet to experience the tude dude.

Squirrely Girlie

Ah Spring, its a lovely time of year!  The sun is shining, people out walking instead of driving.  Spring is something we look forward to.  I always get a kick out of how many people are pregnant after winter.  Hmmmmm.  Long winter I suppose!! :)  Winter is far more productive for some than others!

It is time for me to get into the spring forward mood.  Normally I have jobs lined up and a busy schedule planned out.  Not this time.  It feels weird.  Don't know why.  It's been said that a person is in "grief" mode at least two years.  So what happens to those of us who still haven't gotten the hang of it?  Its been three years for me.  It isn't as painful, but it has definitely debilitated me in other ways.  I'm feeling squirrely.

Madam Butterfly

Have you ever found yourself just fluttering about afraid to make that landing? Dang it’s a pain to run about trying to catch that runaway balloon.  Why is it so darn complicated?

When I was very young, just a child, I use to watch butterflies.  I found them mesmerizing.  They flutter about almost aimlessly it seems.  However, you know in reality they are on their own mission.  Not only are butterflies beautiful but they are interesting creatures.

Butterflies flutter moving up, down and forward.  They don't fly, they flutter, or so it seems to me.  They land very gracefully.  Have you ever seen a butterfly fall unless its wings have been damaged?   They are so intriguing that you want to touch.  But, if you get near that butterfly, now matter how sneaky you try to be, off they go.  You missed your chance at touching something so beautiful, so delicate. You think, "Rats, better luck next time."