Runaway Balloon

My goodness and so much can happen in so little time.

Suddenly you find yourself doing things you wouldn't ordinarily do.  Like stopping in the middle of something important and find yourself quite literally screaming, "Hey, wait a minute.  Stop, just STOP"  If you're not verbally yelling it, then your body language is. Boy Howdy, not only can you misread it, but so can others.  Energy is a funny being.

I have been trying to adjust to all the sudden waves of change.  In fact,  as rapidly as possible so I can do that thing called, "Move on."  Just like the rest of us.  But what is that?  How the hell can you move on when you are heedlessly spinning broadies in your daily life?  You can't.  So your body suddenly screams at you.  Do you hear me?  No, it wasn't a large enough hit.


Then you realize how completely aggravating you are to the general populous of individuals you deal with.  This realization causes even more spins.  Trying not to be aggravating when you really don't mean to be...it is not a good situation.  It isn't like you can just stop aggravating when you don't know what you are doing that is so aggravating!

Tail spin and then comes the crash.  Is a smooth landing often achieved from an uncontrolled tailspin leaving a trail of smoke along the way?

What happened to focus?  Ah, here is the most aggravating part of all.  Complaints of lack of focus which causes others discomfort.  Exactly how would you feel in this situation.  Just for one moment think of this:

Most your life your focus has been a husband and children.  Your husband/partner/significant other helps you maintain your focus.  They know you.  Your sounding board, your confidant, they ARE your focus.  Suddenly one day you wake up and your significant other is gone.  Also, your children are gone.  Then suddenly you find out you are really truly ill and disabled (whatever that means) and you better slow down.  What happens to focus?

Think of it this way, your entire life you have spent blowing up a balloon.  Suddenly that balloon slips out of your fingers losing air quickly.  It is making a lot of noise and flying all over.  The balloon lost its focus, its stability (your fingers), and the rapid loss of air causes it to scream hastily higgledy piggledy.  Until the opening is closed or the air is gone...it will not land.

That my friends, is exactly how I feel.  This is how many individuals who lose someone feel.  So when our lack of focus aggravates you, step into our shoes.  Could you maintain the same balance throughout if you lost the source of your balance?  The source of  focus in your life?

So maybe I am aggravating you.  I beg your pardon.  I will, and yes I WILL get it together.  I just have to relearn how to focus.  It is a new balance within ourselves we have to find.  It will not happen over night and for some of us can be an incredibly long process.  This does not mean any of us are nuts, or insane, or have serious psychological issues.  No, we have not changed we are still who we are.  Our focus has been taken quite abruptly from our lives.  We are learning our personal balance. 

Quite frankly, if I am aggravating, terribly sorry.  It is not intentional.  But it is completely normal and understandable.  Rather than let something I am unaware of or can't control aggravate you bringing deep seated discomfort, lets try being supportive.  A simple, it sounds like you are feeling overwhelmed?  It sounds like you need some time to regain focus?  It is called empathy.

Is this meant to be a "feel sorry for me?"  Oh, heavens no, the last thing any of us need.  At that rate, we will not find our focus, nor our balance.  It just prolongs the issue.  Just once in awhile take a step back and see it through a different perspective.
Perhaps, just perhaps, this will explain why some of us going through so much tragedy at once, have a hard time knowing what it is we are supposed to focus on since there is so much to focus on.  The balance is gone and balancing is not easy.

I hope this will assist someone whether the individuals aggravated or those of us who are unintentionally causing the aggravation.

We will have to stop sometimes quite abruptly and re-evaluate.  We're scared.  It is not easy to catch and tie a runaway balloon.  It won't be forever though.  We will catch our runaway balloons.  Just don't expect us to do it in the time frame you think we should.  We're not all the same.

Have a peaceful and balanced day!