Saturday, April 16, 2011

Wanna see Tude Dude?

I've always considered myself incredibly docile, patient and accepting.  Even if I do not agree, it matters not; a person has the right to their beliefs.
However, I found I can actually be set off within three minutes of a conversation.  What would push me to anger within three minutes?  The statement, "You are out hunting for a husband aren't you.  All widows are looking for a man because they can't live on their own."

Suddenly my smile grows evil and my piercing blue eyes begin to throw daggers.  A response that once started cannot be stopped.  The mouth opens and retorts, "Really?   Exactly what part of grocery shopping and a smile saying hello constitutes a desperate widow looking for a man?  Was it the way I fondled the avocados?  Perhaps you should keep shopping and move on."

Instead of leaving it be, no a response just had to be given, "Oh, I see you have an attitude.  Men don't appreciate attitudes; they'll stay away from you"

You have yet to experience the tude dude.

What an incredibly pompous ignoramus ever.  Who would have thought I would meet a guy more self-righteous than anyone I've ever met in the whole of my life?  The type of person who pales the person I told take a hike during a "coffee" date.  This and more all within 3 minutes of opening the mouth.  Holy cow,  that has got to be a record.  I damn well told him so too.  Attitude, I'll show you attitude.

What did I do?  Well, I rarely wear make-up.  This day I felt like getting up, having a great day and putting on some make-up to make myself, repeat, myself, feel better about my circumstances.  I then headed off to the grocery store.  Wow, what a hussy.  Can you imagine the nerve of me?  Since I felt only like halfway making myself feel better, I wore sweats.  My baggy, too big for me, but gotta love them, Coast Guard work out sweats.    The sweats that snitched me out.  I just know it .  They gave it away that I was man hunting.

By the way un-widowed men,  not wise to piss off a widow who has been holding in a lot of anger.  You gotta mouth like that and a brain the size of a pea, do us all a favor.   Please place duct tape across your mouth.

What interesting  "notion" this is; of a widow out man-hunting for a permanent fix.  Yes, of course I found something interesting along with feeling better that I had someone to be pissed off at besides myself!  I googled "issues faced by widows in society", and found some very interesting material. 

As widows, we are not only faced with the stigma of what "widow" means to society, but also how it affects us financially.  The stigma attached to "widow" is pretty fierce.  The list goes on.  We are emotional wrecks.  Okay, well that one I would agree with.  We are perceived as undesirable at our age.  Another stigma is that we are incapable of making it on our own.  But the financial, now that one is a reality I don't like the statistic on.

From what I found,  widows of our age, and younger too especially with children,  have completely relied on a two income household.  Many individuals did not have insurance or a death insurance policy.  Many who have 401 K or such have not been able to put enough in it and it is far before retirement time.

So how does this leave us standing financially?  Unfortunately, a large statistic of widows our age will end up having to sell their homes and many end up totally heartbroken and pauperized.   Severe debt trying to pay off homes, mortgages, medical bills, credit cards accrued via two individuals on a one person income is not doable.  No assistance is available to those who have no children living in the home.  A person too young for SS will not receive any help there either.  A fairly depressing outlook huh?  However, this is the truth for many widows.

I have managed on keeping my humble abode, but only because it was paid off and I only have to pay rent.  Even rent is hard enough.  I completely wiped out any type of extra's such as cable TV or socializing money.  The type of funds that keep us from being recluse.  I've been able to barely make it, and am behind on much, but right now, I have no other options.  It is very close to me packing up and selling the humble.

Most fairly recent widows reading this are probably right now thinking, "Ah great, this is what I have to look forward too?"  It does seem incredibly discouraging doesn't it.  Now put that aside.  I am here to tell you that you do not have to accept this. 

Here's some helping tips:
  • First, realize with time the pain will decrease.  
    It may not go away, but it will decrease.  Breath and in your own time, start trying to heal.
  • When going gets tough, keep going.  
    Some of us no matter how hard we try, are going to end up without anything.  Don't crucify yourself.  It is not your fault.  Just do the best you can.
  • Finally, don't resolve to ignorant comments that come your way.  
    If you need to, buy a roll of duct tape and carry it with you.  Merely pull it out when you feel the need. 
    It is frightening, it is painful, and it does take time to be yourself again.

    Also, accepting help is not a bad thing.  This doesn't mean you are weak.  If help is offered, try to accept it.   If a person's house burns down having no insurance, most communities jump to the call by raising funds or giving some kind of a helping hand.  Being a widow is no different.  We had something tragic happen.

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    A Widow's Perspective
    And that's a fact Jack.

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