No Way, Not Again...

You have got to be kidding me.  How many times will I be on a path and then one day I wake up and think, who is this person in this body?    

Out of all the emotions we go through, I think this is the most frustrating, funny and weird feeling to feel. It's almost as if this particular "feeling" goes through its own grieving process.

 My version of the "who am i" grief process: 

• First we realize we are by ourselves, then begin to wonder what that means and how are we going to cope.  
• Then we're brave enough to set off and figure it out.  
• Again, we are like "oh I don't want to do this."  but we know we have to.   
• Then we ask ourselves why?  So it takes awhile to recover from that.   
• On to let's try again, just to wake up and think, who am I?

I don't know about you, but it hits me in waves.  I don't know if I should be frustrated, humored, unhappy, seek my inner self, join a monastery, or what.  I'm sick of it and don't like it.  Am I relapsing again?  Perhaps its the hypersensitivity syndrome sneaking up on me.  So I back-track and try to figure out what took place that triggered the ole "who am I" syndrome.  The lack of confidence I feel to face the world by myself.  Why?  Why would this be such a complicated issue in my life.  Unfortunately it is a huge issue in my life and there are days when it is worse than others.

I used to be so brave and strong plowing head on into traffic without the fear of crashing.  Now all I want to do is put on a pair of sneakers and run away as far as I can get.  I always disliked that movie Forest Gump, but his idea of running is very like-able at the moment.

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Uh...????

Who am I?