Stability in Instability

Just when you feel alone and no one is around, one of our children, I don't care the age, needs you.  I have three lovely children all grown.  Well, alright my son, who is a momma's boy, he's getting there at any rate.  It seems we all have to have a wild child.  If not, God Bless You because you are the first I've known with a perfect life and perfect children!

Odd thing is when ALL three of your children, living all in different States, suddenly give you a call.  One right after another.  Seems trauma hits all at once in this family.  I found my role in life, even without my husband, has not changed.  So something in life is stable.  Maybe this sounds strange, but for the first time I see stability in my incredibly unstable life.  Its always been there, I just never noticed.  Was I too busy being preoccupied with what I no longer have?

The rusty fingers frantically picked up the beads and began to create.  Can I bring something else that was stable in my life back to life again?  I think I can and should.  I need some inspiration, I know, a very close friend of mine.  So suddenly what I thought was no longer as much a part of me anymore came to life.  Using my friend as inspiration and the color combination she enjoys to wear, I was able to create a necklace!   Of course I named it Debra! 

What I have not been accepting is the fact my stability, my created individuality, never left.  It has been here all the time just waiting.  Waiting for me to accept I have value without my husband.  My husband enhanced my life.  He passed away, but he did not take who I am with him even though it feels like it.  For some reason I am having a hard time accepting this.  I will forever be changed, but I am still who I am and have the ability to do what I once did or enjoyed.  It is a major mental block.  The idea it is okay to move on.

No, it will never be the same.  But then what is in life?  I've never been one for the "Stepford Wives" type of life situation anyway.  Lord, the idea of Rob ever saying to me, "You can't do that" would be flat out hilarious in itself.  Fire would immediately well into the eyeballs, and smoke would bellow through the ears.  Ahhh, so why is it, I am allowing others to influence me to being what it is they think I should be?  Am I a "Stepford Widow?"  A new episode, part two a prime example the extremes some will go to for what they think is right?

Goodness me, if I can just hold on to this feeling of "stability" and work on it slowly, I just might change my path.  I do admit I've always been scatter-brained but not quite this bad!  At least no I have an idea of stability found inside that I can focus on.  It might be a huge help in moving on.

While I had this feeling I did up another necklace.  All, feels so nice to actually pick up something familiar.  It feels like hanging out with an old friend you have seen in years!  Such a nice feeling.  Maybe things will start looking up now.  I don't know what the turning point in all this is, but somehow I feel I've finally hit a turning point.  Hope it is for real this time! 

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