Tuesday, September 27, 2011

Don't Tell Me What to Do.

Thinking back on annoying situations throughout this journey of being "widowed" but not really a "widow" has brought up some incredibly humorous and irritating situations.

Just yesterday I flashed back on a time I made a call to a free psychic.  Just wanted to see; curiosity you know.  The woman on the line didn't even ask my name and immediately spouted off: "You are being cheated on, she is evil, it is destroying your relationship...For 150.00 I can get rid of her without any serious repercussions."  Ohhhh really?  I was stunned and said, "Wow, I guess my deceased husband found a girlfriend."

Funny thing is 6 months ago I would not have thought it funny, but when I told the story yesterday, it was funny as hell.  So, things are changing and so is my perspective of self.

As I glance back to remember what happened to "me" I remember one of the most irritating situations I had to endure.  Let me set up the scenario here:
Friend one:  Call came Day after Death of Husband.  "You have to get an obituary out."
Friend two: Same day as above:  " You have to decide what you are going to do."
Friend three:  Same day as above: "Have you called all his family and friends, you have to do this you know." 
Do you see where I am going with this?  This is something that has been happening consistently for the last 3 years.  Now what really bites is when you get calls and one person doesn't agree with the other person, who doesn't agree with that either.  Leaving me, of course, dumbfounded and anxious to step to any decision I make.  Oh wait, ya I can't make decisions can I?

Now, as well meaning as these folks meant to be, and I know it was done with the thought of care...excuse me but I don't have to do shit.  I can make my own decisions.  I will make mistakes.  So what?  I am learning to be "me" all over again.  Its not easy to do.  I have seriously been through hell and back.  Quite frankly, I've probably experienced more in less than four years than an average person has experienced in their entire lifetime.

Just thought I would announce this epiphany.  In case its happening to you.  I allowed it to take place far too long.  Ah...I'm learning.

By the way, a very serious God Bless those who quietly helped in any way they could without telling me how I had to do something.  The ones who allowed me to make my mistakes and did not criticize me for it.  Those who did not become insulted, angry, and defensive merely cause I was trying to find my way and did not agree with their way.

Those as it happens, even though they are few, are the ones who will be there when the dust settles.

Rambling of a Perspective

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