Happy Birthday

Dear Rob,

Today is your birthday, the one day we've never forgot.  I remember how hard you fought to keep alive to see your birthday, yet were so sick all we could do was a cheer with a protein smoothie.  That's alright because as you said, you were happy to make it to your birthday.  Your birthday is always so important now.

Are you wondering how I am doing?  I bet you are, you ALWAYS worried about me.  Loved me unconditionally and took care of me far more than I realized.  Funny how independent and hard headed I was yet you put up with it.   Well, let me tell you what I have been learning.  Maybe it will make you laugh and feel better.


Life has been, well awkward to say the least.  It seems our life was always awkward, but I mean, really awkward.  On some days it has been worse than others.  But then, it's always been that way hasn't it?

Have I tried to date.  Yes, I suppose I did and failed miserably.  As you well know I'm not a gad about and really don't do the "date" thing well.  You were the only one able to pull me out of my shell.  The first guy I dated was a wind bagged pompous ass.  As you know, I really am particular.  After realizing he could never be you...I realized its not time for me to date.

I have some good friends now, I have never met them in person, but...all the same they are good friends.  Many have gone through what I have or they are going through what I went through.  It forms a bond.  One made a post the other day by listing things she has learned.  So you know what honey, I'm gonna make a list.  It is so much more proficient.  But I will save it for a later time.  Right now, I just kinda miss you and want to talk to you.

Did I mention I change my mind more often these days?  I decided not to be proficient to day and I'll make you laugh another day!

Did I ever thank-you for appreciating and fostering my independence?  How about laughing with me when I make mistakes?  Anymore, my Love, mistakes are serious and watchful eyes are upon us.  Silly rabbits don't they know tricks are for kids?  We were so youthful in our playful hearts no matter how many years went by!

Which reminds me, I still love you even though you are three years older than me.  The sad thing is, it appears I have caught up with you in age and will pass your age by.  You my Love will be forever young.  Thank-god cause it sucks getting old.

Oh, did I tell you I am sick?  Yep, but not as sick as you were not yet anyway.  Chin up dear.  I know if you were here to help me you would.  I'm sure your heart weeps cause you cannot.  Its okay, I can do this.

The kids are fine, except one has disowned me as a mother.  Yes, you're right, she always does this.  But other than that life is fine.  They are all married and doing well except our youngest.  I gotta tell you, that couple is not married and have child on the way.  Yes, your childhood friend's daughter.  Isn't life something?  By the way if you have any control over life wherever you may be, could you please have the baby be a boy?  If so we'll have someone named after you!  I'd like that very much. 

I could talk on forever as I have not found a person of the opposite sex who appreciates my candor and oddities as much as you.  Their loss and your gain is what you would say.  It's not that I'm not trying...actually, nope not even trying.  I don't care anymore.  I mean I do but I don't.

I can say this because as long as you are alive in spirit, I am never quite alone.  Seriously, there will never be another you.  I know, yes, I know, I should give them a break.  But you know my response...why?   By the way, even though you had to die, I thank-you for the Super Woman Cape you left behind.  It comes in quite handy, but I still need to learn its special powers.  Thanks for being patient while I learn how to use it.

Well, you have a lovely birthday my dear.  Don't drink too much okay.  Thanks for thinking of me, cause I know if I am thinking of you, you are thinking of me.  We are connected.

Happy Birthday