Saturday, November 12, 2011

What is Control?

Do any of us really have full and complete control over our lives.  Even those who are not going through the experiences we, "widows," endure daily?
I do wonder, and tonight I come to you with a few thoughts regarding this wonder.  When does one actually take control and how?

I've been learning some valuable lessons this week.  To gain control of your life is like this song.  You try so very hard, and then the love you have for someone, who is no longer in the living, takes hold of your very heart.  It squeezes so hard.  The ache begins to spread.  You know you cannot bring him back, you cannot live a life with him, even thinking so, "you might as well catch the wind"

But what you can do, is continue trying no matter what boulder is rolled in front of you.  You can eventually conquer the boulder even if a little bit at a time.

That little bit at a time is just like one step, the smallest step, this is the key to taking bigger steps.

Today, today I saw signs, signs I have ignored for the last few years.  I paid them no heed.  Red flags or two by fours were having no effect.  I thought this one step is small since I have so many larger red flags and bigger things to gain control over.

When it came to me.  Its all the same.  It has to all be done and you have to start no matter the size. 

Today, I made a decision to to take that one small step.  Its frightening.   But this pales in comparison to others I need also take.   Today for the first time, I stood my ground and I said, "No, I will not."  I did in fact take control of something I normally would allow trample on me.

In doing this...then the second I may not find is as difficult.  See?  By the time I hit the larger ones I will have regained my inner self.  The person I always have been but hid away cause it didn't matter.

I can't catch the Wind
But I can catch the leaves blowing by

1 comment:

  1. That song captures what we live each day. Thank you. There's a Chinese proverb: "It's not the mountains ahead that wear us down, it's the grains of sand in our shoes."


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