Socializing the Widow

Yep she's still on course.  It has been a long quietness on this blog I know.   Its been awhile since I've been around, but I've put my nose to the grindstone and faced the music.  Seriously.  Still very carefully following my plan, but also working on myself socially.  Seems odd we would have to face social issues that were once so easy to do.    It is so different and feels so different. 

For some reason I feel, sometimes, like a total social degenerate.  Why?  Never before has it bothered me.  Now, I just feel as if I don't fit in.  Worst thing is, I know it is me doing this to myself!  So what does one do when it feels wrong? 

Just Do It!

"Am I Truly a Widow" goes primal.  Indeed.  I faced my fear and completely went out of my comfort zone.  A huge step for me and a huge shock for others.  The kids did it to me again, only this time I stayed the WHOLE concert!!!  It was fantastic and I truly caught my self going totally primal.

How do I feel today?  Well, I feel as if I had too many wine's (I don't drink) and was bashed up in a Mosh pit (was not that way at all).  However, I learned so much.

Thoughts on Socializing:

• When in doubt, do as the doers do.  
• When in doubt as to what the doers are doing, do your own doing.
• When doing your own doing, you start feeling your doing is not really doing.
• That is when you really do it.  

I found that completely stepping out of my comfort zone, going to a concert that is "tribal" bagpipe, didgeridoo, and drums, that doing is just doing what you want to do.  I had too much make-up on...ya, okay for some I did, but hey, there is someone with lovely artistically painted tribal design on her face.  Okay look around...do you really look any different than anyone else?  NO.  

Such as it is in life.  My daughter was thrilled and asked me, "so whatta ya gonna be mom?  The dancing cat with a patch or the legless pirate?".  I told her, "well I really feel more like the Sea Monster."

Indeed, you notice how the sea monster is not so happy about the whole shebang?  Yet, the sea monster lets go and decides to have some fun in its own scary way.  Just being itself, letting go and enjoying the fun.  At first the crowd of pirates are not so sure about it, but when the initial shock is over and everyone is having fun, it matters not.

So then I think, honestly, I look weird?  Here I am at a Wicked Tinkers concert, men wearing skirts, playing bagpipes, drums, and...a didgeridoo. Touche`.

Suddenly you see the simplicity of it all and just finally let go.  Then when all is said and done, the lights go on and you get the heck out of dodge before anyone see's ya! 

Today it is if it never happened, but inside, you know it did.  Inside you became just a little more open, not much just a little.  Every little bit counts.  I now slither down to the depths of the sea where my home is.  Not to be seen again until who knows when!