Honestly, this is going to be my theme song. Why? Because its incredibly funny and annoying at the same time. The same way I feel when I am told I need to be "happy" and make the "best" of life.
Obviously we have some conflict with the idea of happy here. I thought it was me, thought I had to have a positive attitude to take life head on and make the best of it. Then I realize, no, it is alright for me to be sad when I am sad. It is alright for me to be happy when I am happy. It is alright for me to cry when I cry. So on and so forth.
What concerns me is why the "others" believe I should be happy all the time when in reality the "others" also have their moments.
I realized, all the time I thought something was "wrong" with me. I'd be polite, sit and listen and listen and listen. When the person was finished I always said, wow, and give a comment back either empathetic, "sounds like fun" or whatever appropriate in the conversation. Then silence, okay I guess my turn, so I'd go to say something. Next I know either the person starts telling me yet another story I've heard god knows how many times, or someone is putting words in my mouth before I even say anything.
It makes for a very quiet, frustrating, hurtful and meaningless/empty conversation. It dawned on me that this is incredibly selfish behavior not on my part but those who are responsible for THEIR behavior. Last time I understood the definition of conversation was two people conversing. It isn't really conversing when you are blown off, or ignored, or told what it is you are doing wrong, and that you should be happy for what you have.
The one that really grates on my nerves of late is, as soon as I get two words out or even say hello, words are being put in my mouth as to what I was going to talk about and turned in a fashion that is incredibly either belittling, negative, or nothing at all to do with what I was going to say. Then the icing on the cake, as if what they said I was thinking or going to say was not enough to chew on, I am accused of being neurotic and dragging myself down and I should get over it and move on.
The sudden realization that I get sucked into this type of conversing, is something I allow to happen. It's like breaking up with someone, then you are together, just to find yourself getting broke up with again. So why put yourself in that situation...again. Just as the "others" are responsible for the way they converse, so too am I responsible who I choose to converse with.
So....You can't rollerskate in a buffalo field....but you can be happy if you a mind to!
Warning, I have a sense of humor
Can't Roller Skate in a Buffalo Herd was always one of my favorite songs. Pretty good philosophy. Course, Roger Miller's best was King of the Road.
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