Thursday, June 16, 2011


Lesson early today.

I woke up in a funk, started with my Tai Chi and felt better!

Then I get a phone call, and boom person in funk.

What did I just say only a couple of posts ago??  Oh ya, Snoop Dog.  So I listened for awhile and when the individual conversing with oneself switched to me being the focus I said, "Snoop Dog."

"What are you talking about?"

"Oh just thinking, Snoop Dog."

Amazingly I cut this person off from going on how bad they have it even though they have an amazing amount of resources they can pull on, but...they just didn't get their "way" and well its the end of the world worse than what I could ever imagine.  So if I thought I had it rough, I don't know anything because....

That's where I said, "Snoop Dog"  LOL.  It felt pretty darn good too.  The lopsidedness of life must stop.  Its alright for others to be down, but if I am, then I am told, you are nothing but a downer and no one wants to be around you!  HEY!!  Beat that one this morning didn't I!!

Personal criticism of me is no longer allowed.  Constructive criticism welcome as we all need sound constructive criticism.  The days of you this and you that and you won't and you you you you ... you're worthless, you you you.  Well, hey that's being replaced with...end of lopsided conversation.

I'm not a beauty but hey, not all of us are blessed in that area.  I'm likeable.  I'm dysfunctional in a normal way.  I get in my moods, normal.  I'm worth a place in this life.  I have the right to live in this life.  And...if my husband heard anyone talking that way...he'd beat their rears to Northpole and back.  I was his pride and joy.

It did make me stop and wonder though.  Why would individuals want to be so...negative to someone that really needs some positive feedback?  I bet I'm not the only one.  I am blamed I am the one that makes them negative.  Yes, words are powerful, but...I am not responsible for the barrage of insults thrown my way.  Trust me, I could throw them back and be quite destructive myself, but I AM responsible for my negativity and the way I use it.  What would be the use?

Not sure what today holds, but that was a major step.  For three years, I have not heard but possibly three positive comments from anyone.  Three years.  Its either silence, or a nasty remark.  Honestly.  I think enough is enough.

Now, I could make excuses for folks thinking, "Oh they do this to make themselves feel better cause they are miserable."  However, now I am making excuses for others.  Flat out, that type of behavior is abusive especially to those of us who are really struggling to find out place in life AD of spouse.  As I contemplate this I realize exactly how small that pool of friends were to begin with.

Its a sad realization, but a necessary one.  Take nature for example.  Okay, as we know I do like to wander hither tither.  WHY?  Nature has a natural beauty neither critical nor proud.  Yet, grace and beauty ring through.  Nature places itself out there not to be abused but to be appreciated.  For what it is.

Some of us look at pictures of Nature and its peaceful, calm or serene.  The beauty is breathtaking.  On the other hand, like the picture posted here on this blog today...some would see as filthy, dirty, needs to be removed and needs to be eradicated. They want to place it with what they deem as beauty.  Like a house, or a garden, or such...

I do not need to be replaced.  Just as much as some places in Nature should be left and simply accepted for what it is, whether admired or not, I too am a part of that natural cycle.  I belong in the living just as much as anyone else.  I don't think I was put here to be abused.  Just as forest fires happen, landslides happen, whether natural or human intervention accidentally caused has to be accepted.   Doesn't mean you have to like it, you just have to accept it for what it is.

So am I angry that these people are so miserable?  NO.  I am not responsible for this.  I did not cause their unhappiness. Whether I  or anyone else likes it or not, I'm lonely and moody, but that's just the way it is.  :)

Rolling Rolling Rolling, Keep those doggies Rolling


  1. Don't know how you do it, but you are surely gaining self acceptance. BTW, the word in the song is "dogies," not "doggies." Doggies are snoop, right:-)?

  2. how spooky. I touch on both themes of your post in my latest one. Criticism? Ugh! Who the hell do they think they are?

  3. Yep, its not good, but its nice to know I'm not the only one. I'm terribly sensitive, and am my own worse critic. So to have that for three years from all does not bode well.

    See ya in about 4 days.


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